Status: Single but not Alone



I have been an advocate of true love waits ever since I started in the community last 2005. I believe that we should not rush to be in a relationship because God has a plan to fulfill in us first before He can give that one person He has prepared for us before we were born. I waited until I was 17 before I can actually have a relationship but it only lasted for 3 months. I knew that I just wanted to know what it felt like but I guess I wasn't ready for the commitment and I needed to focus in my studies first. I know it's easier said than done and I have struggled much being on my own. I was jealous to others who had but I have found comfort, assurance and hope for the times I was lonely, doubting, worried and I have sought support from God and my loved ones.

My second relationship was with a YFC brother whom I served with since 2007. Of course we waited for a while and once I became a registered nurse, our love story began. We were partners in crime, service comrade, mission buddy, prayer partner, camera fanatic and we'd always have our food trip adventures. It ended when I left the country to work in the UAE. I admit it was my fault back then and it took us nearly 2 years to have a formal closure. It was settled when I went home last July 2013. We then became friends but it was a process we had to go through. Months passed and we were talking like nothing happened. Now we are like siblings again, a work in progress, no longer in YFC but in SFC and I am happy that even an Ex can become your friend.

Being single is a blessing in a disguise. Yes, my status is single, blessed, hopefully and patiently waiting for my God's greatest and gorgeous gift (4G) to come. I have been single for 3 years now and never in my life was I alone. Well there were trying times and even situations that I wanted to jump right in a relationship just so I can change my status. I had struggled with emotional crisis that sometimes I didn't understood why. I admit that I feel pressured not just from what I see, hear and perceive. Society can sometimes be rude, judgmental and trivial regarding the relationship status especially when age is concerned. Also, my heart longs and seeks for the presence of someone. I guess everybody needs love and to be loved back. I miss the feeling of someone loving and caring for me yet I know I have to endure the waiting process. I'm in the stage of my life wherein it's a battle against "Intimacy vs. Isolation" as per Erikson's stages of Psychosocial development.
 

FB status last May 25, 2013

I remembered this post of mine last year......
"....God has wonderfully surrounded me with family and friends that loves and cares for me so much. I feel blessed to have them. And I know in His time, He will bless me with a great love story specially designed and planned for me. I am excited when that time will come and I know that I am being prepared for that. For now, I will patiently wait, hoping for the best, trusting His will, loving and serving Him ever more and giving all the best of me for His great glory.. Thank you for this realization Lord. Praise God. "  (Single but never alone)

Experiences are the best teacher. I have learned more and I have gone out of my comfort zone, have mended my broken heart and is getting ready for whatever lies ahead. I know I have crazy dreams once in a while wherein I dream of my crush/someone and it has been one of my simple joys. I know I am 25 and having a crush on someone feels like I'm in high school with all the butterflies in my stomach, crazy imaginations and the happy blushing expression I have once I am talking about or thinking of Him. Of course I am a work in progress, nearly maturing, a kid at heart and a beloved daughter of God. I have desires, fantasies, goals and crazy dreams too. One of it would be desiring to be in a relationship with someone with the hope of being married in the future. In God's time, crazy and impossible it seems but whatever your will Lord, may it be done.



Years have passed and a lot has changed yet still single but never alone who's joyfully waiting, always praying, faithfully hoping and positively claiming the 4G from God.

God (who is love) knows no hopeless or helpless situations

Taken and written at Kish Island, Iran
(February 1, 2014)

God (who is love) knows no hopeless or helpless situations..

There are times we get stuck in a struggle that paralyzes us to do something and perhaps move on. Yes, it's hard to face the struggles with a heavy heart knowing that you're alone and at times hopeless nor helpless. Sometimes we forget that God has been with us through the tough times. We seem to think we can do it our selves but we can't. God is always there and He knows no hopeless or helpless situations. It is because He is God and we are not. His ways are higher and better than ours. His love surpasses all things even impossible ones. He can change our sadness to an irreplaceable joy. He is the God of all great things and the only God of all human beings.

So if you're struggling right now, remember that you are in His presence. No battle that was lost for He always wins. No sorrow that he can't take away. No pain that He can't heal. No problem that He can't solve. And no struggle that He can't overcome. For as long as we hold on to Him, rest assured that we are in good hands for He has great plans. In His presence we can find peace, joy, trust, completeness, love, faith and unending hope. All we can simply do is trust Him even if it doesn't make sense. We should surrender to Him and allow His will to be done for God knows what He is doing and He never fails to work things out for us. Continue to trust and believe in Him because He knows no hopeless or helpless situations. All is well! May God be praised! Deo Gloria! :)

What I would tell to my weak old self…

We often face challenges that bring us to our knees but rest assured that we are in the best position to pray. We may be troubled, worried, anxious, questioned, put to the test, lost and tempted so this leads us to become weak, helpless and sometimes hopeless. It's hard to overcome a struggle when you feel like there's no hope. You may feel mixed emotions, have doubts, incapable, impossible and you think there's no other way out. It is only in God's hand where we can feel at peace, full of hope and unlimited love. We can always run to God for help, for guidance, for strength, for mercy, for forgiveness and for trust. We stumble and fall but God is there to carry us through it all.

Here's something I want to tell my old weak self especially in times when it doesn't make sense or when times get rough.

Hold on, Trust God.. Cry hard, Smile harder.. Let go, Move on.. Surrender, Pray hardest! Be strong, God is in control!

>>>>> Hold on, Trust God.

I know you're in a very tough situation but remember that God always has a plan for you. It is a plan so great that you won't realize it now but soon you will. Keep holding on to His promises for they are sure like the sunrise. Hold on to Him by placing all your cares or worries upon Him. Do not worry nor be afraid for He knows what He is doing. Submit to Him and surrender for it will be the fulfillment of His plan for you! Place your hope and trust in Him. All is well. Everything will be alright. Just hold on and trust God!

>>>>> Cry hard but Smile harder.

Crying is a therapeutic act that cleanses our soul and sets us free from whatever that is bothering us. There's a saying: "Our visions become clear when our eyes have been washed away with tears." Crying may not be the solution to a certain problem but it can release you from carrying the burden. Crying is not a sign of weakness but a strength wherein you cry out to the One Most High and allowing His will be done in your life. Never be afraid to cry and to admit that you are weak for in that way, you are allowing God to be your strength for you to face your struggle and to heal you of your brokenness. And when you have cried it all out then learn to smile for you to leap an extra mile. Show your sweetest smile and make them wonder why. Remember, it's ok to cry hard but after that just smile harder!

>>>>> Let go, Move on.

Learn to let go, allow God to take over then move on. It's called a struggle that you overcome not a struggle that you dwell on. Learn to let go of all your worries, fears, past experiences, problems and concerns. You don't need to carry all of those emotional baggages. Surrender it to God and let His grace take over whatever it is that you're going through. Allow His will to be done. You can feel the hurts, the pain, the aches and the struggle but you can never stay there. You have to move on for God has a lot of things in store for you. Focus and know your goal. When it doesn't make sense, just let it go and move on!

>>>>> Surrender and Pray hardest!

Surrendering to God is not a weakness but the greatest strength for you are submitting to Him, the God of all Grace! They say that the one who kneels in prayer can withstand anything. We are nothing without God and praying to Him is asking for His knowledge, wisdom, discernment, gifts and teaching. Praying is everything. It is a complete package wherein we can express freely our self without the effort of pleasing Him because He accepts us for what we are. Praying helps us overcome our struggle and it strengthens our faith in God.  Imagine your day without prayer and you'll realize that it is not complete. Continue to talk because God listens and He tells us to just ASK (Ask, Seek and Knock). Let us be firm in the faith, ready to surrender our own self and give time to pray hardest. God deserves our best!  

>>>>> Be strong for God is in control!

I know the situation is tough but rest assured that God is always in control of everything. Be strong and fight the good fight of faith! For sure God will deliver you from the experience that you have. He won't leave you because He knows you need Him now. Allow God to embrace you in your lowest time, allow His grace to complete you, allow His mercy to be felt, allow His forgiveness to move you, allow His love to inspire you and allow His will to be done through you. It's not an easy task but it's worth it. Learn to sacrifice your desires for His greater glory and He will reveal His plans at the right time. Be faithful and hopeful! Everything will be alright! Be still and know that He is God and we are not. Continue to be strong for God is in control!

Prayer: Lord please continue to do amazing things in my life. I know they are blessings in disguise. I don't know where you may lead me but I trust your plan for me. Help me and provide for me Lord. Strengthen me more that I may face all challenges and struggles that are coming my way. Lord I surrender myself to you. I know you will fight for me. I claim victory over these struggles. May your will be done. Deo Gloria! Deo Gracias! In Jesus' name, AMEN!

So how about you?

What will you tell to your old weak self?

OUTBURST!!!

Don't make decisions when you're angry, sad or happy because they can deceive you. Make decisions when you are at ease and at peace.

I am fed up being treated unfairly. I know life's not fair but this is too much. I am at my peak and somehow I can't rationalize as to why they are treating me like this. I am a good person and I treat them kindly and as opposite as to how they treat me. I guess everybody has their own boiling point. And I just exploded. Literally burst out into tears and my anger took control of me and my emotions affected my behavior.

Questions began to cloud up my mind.. "What have I done to deserve this?" "Why is it so hard to deal with them?" "Why is it unfair?" "Why is it always me?" "Why do I need to please them?" "Why did you allow this to happen?" "Is this the end or a bend?" "Lord I don't know how or what to do now." "How can I overcome this?"

I asked God because I couldn't understand or rationalize it anymore. I felt so tired and somehow I couldn't carry the baggage any longer. I felt I couldn't continue living with this hurt and accepting the present and the reality. It was then finally when I admitted that there's something wrong and that God remains under control.

You see, I am hardworking and I never count my efforts nor tried to compare. I am trying to embrace the job that I am in despite the challenges and difficulties that I always experience. I always give my best but sometimes some people just act like they don't care and that they're selfish. I felt working alone and doing everything to please them and I felt tired. Somehow I lost interest and I didn't feel happy anymore. I always humble myself and I chose not to say anything I against them. I would always put myself least among them. I chose not to say anything and I tend to be quiet. So basically I suppressed every emotion deep within me. I kept it all in my heart all the unfair treatment, work pressure, stress, complaints, accepting different responsibilities, racial discrimination, false judgment, anger and perhaps everything. I had complaints that I couldn't voice out and God sees and knows that.

It was during this week that I gave up. I burst out because I felt embarrassed as they were teasing me as I took a picture of them. Of course I also want to be in the pictures too. I took it thrice and I assumed that it was my turn. But then again they did it and told me again til I felt being laughed at. I couldn't handle it anymore and I just walked out. I burst out into tears and that's where I questioned God. You see, I have memories during my school years that still hurt me when I am being laughed at. I guess it's my fear and I felt ashamed and embarrassed when everybody is laughing at me (or maybe not) but I am extremely affected. I am a type of person who fears being embarrassed and laughed at by many and I would just cry like baby. I easily cry because I can't handle the feeling of being embarrassed. I myself couldn't explain why I'm like that.

I went home burdened and angered. I tried to listen to songs to calm me down. I even cried in the cr of MOE because I couldn't hide it anymore. I felt I needed to let it out and there I was bursting out and crying to God. Then it all boils to one point and when things started to cool down and as I was relaxing, I felt I made a wrong decision but I had to do it because it's too much for me to hide. I can't describe the kind of face and aura I had during that time. All I know is I was angered and I was depressed. God never failed to comfort me and I found myself talking to Him. It was not long before I reached home that I was at peace. God removed my anger and frustrations and He lifted me up. And as I became aware I realized I lost my NOL card. I then noticed that I have been losing things because I was unaware and negligent. I guess I choose to be lax and lazy or maybe just tired?? I never realized that I was changing or yet maybe reverting to the old "me".     

God gives and God takes. I guess when you don't know how to value something then maybe God takes it away to give it to someone who's deserving or someone who's in need. I felt sad but then I know that it's a lesson I should learn and God will bless me with something better.

I learned that, sometimes people are meant to maybe teach, mend, bend or break you as a person for a reason!!! :)) Nothing just happens! :)

"Everything became clear because my eyes were washed away with tears."

I felt ok and now I realized it now. Everything's clear to me. Thank you Lord for making me understand. I know You are sharpening me to be able to write better. I surrender this all to you. Let your will be done. Have your way!

I found comfort through God's word in Psalm 23

When God permits trial, He provides comfort.

I am a bit dramatic every time I feel pain or if I'm sick. I dunno why? But every time I feel it there's something in me that longs for a presence of somebody that will comfort, care, be concerned and make me feel secured and better. It has been my behavior ever since when I was little. It could be that I long for attention. It could be that I want to feel that I belong. I guess maybe it is because I also long to be taken cared of asides from me taking care of somebody. I long to be worth the affection and concern. I long to be loved and the feeling of being secured and it is something that I want to feel and experience during this time.

Earlier at school I was feeling a bit tired, stressed and a bit hot. My head was aching like crazy and I can't explain why. I even felt dizzy and that my only remedy was to eat and drink more fluids. I admit I ate too much sweets and it could be the reason why I'm feeling sick. My tonsils are very sensitive to sweet and cold beverages. I guess it was one that triggered it and I'm feeling weak. As I check my temperature it was 37.4 C and then the latest before we went home was 38 C. I was having chills and feeling a bit weak.

I walked home very slowly and the wind was blowing strong and cold against me. I felt so weak and a bit dizzy. I was worried if I can make it home safe and sound. I didn't want to lose my consciousness at the street. As I was walking I was also praying that may God heal me with His embrace. I surrender all to Him and I cried my heart out to Him. I felt so weak and useless. I couldn't take care of myself and I long for the presence of my family and friends back home. I felt sad yet I had to be strong because it's the only thing that I need to do. I struggled and slowly did things that could aid my illness. I managed to eat shawarma because it's my favorite and I couldn't cook anymore. I was so tired and I really want to lie down and sleep.

God is good because He provided me food to eat. I ate it joyfully until I was so full. I am so thankful because somebody does care for me and I usually fail to recognize it.. I felt great and I drank my medicine. I am a type of person that doesn't drink any medication as long as I can handle it. But if it gets worst then I have no choice but to drink it to get better. I drank lemon juice and more water. I even asked my friends to pray for my healing. And I am planning to still go to work tomorrow since I don't want to miss out and be absent.

As much as my body wants to rest and sleep, my mind and passion is wide awake and will only rest if I finish my duties especially with my mission as a Blogger. I continued even if I was flaming hot and was having chills. Truly, when your heart desires and is burning with passion for the mission, All things are possible and worth the struggle. God was my comforter and He never fails to sustain me of my needs. God is so amazing!!

"I don't stop when I am tired. I stop when I'm done."

This phrase motivated me to continue my mission despite being sick. I also thank God for the endurance that He gave me. I love the Lord and I will never stop until I'm done.

 

God bless us!

I am healed. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Princess Sarah Kailyn