Funny convo of Me and God

A funny convo with God that's a bit melodramatic yet somehow was an eye opener for me and hit me with a big realization. I was praying for something to happen and I was doubting if it was really meant for me. Truly He answers us in ways we couldn't see but in circumstances we can really feel. He hears our every cry and no silence escapes Him. You are indeed a great God. Thank you for your confrontation and for making me see the blindness I refuse to unveil and discover the lies that held me captive. Allow me to break free and to stand up slowly but surely. In your name, I trust. May your will be done. AMEN.
(written last year when I was discerning to go for RECON but failed to do so)

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AKO: Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko?

SIYA: Ano ba ang kaya mong gawin para sa akin?

AKO: Aaaahhh…. Ummm **isip** Hindi ko alam? Marami?!? **duda mode**

SIYA: Bakit naman? Pinagdududahan mo ba ako o ang sarili mo?

AKO: Nagdududa ako kasi alam ko capasidad ko. Basta ang gulo kasi!

SIYA: Isa lang naman ang pipiliin mo at ako na bahala sa ano pang kailangan mo. Manalig ka sa akin!

AKO: Paano eto……. Kasi may ganito……. Tapos ayun….. Haaaay buhay napaka complikado…. Puro na lang problema. Nakaka stress na!

SIYA: Ikaw lang naman nagpapa complikado ng usapang ito. Oo o hindi lang ang isasagot mo pero nagdadahilan ka pa ng kung ano ano. Oh kay tigas nga naman ng ulo mo.

AKO: Kasi naman takot ako… tsaka maraming duda sa kung ano ano.. hmmm maraming iniisip na d naman kelangan.. haay napaka advance pa ng utak ko… kasi maraming dinadala at kinakarga....tsaka maraming inaalala at alam kong nakaka abala na talaga.. Haaay napaka worry freak lang ng peg ko.. Grrrrr kainisssssss!

SIYA: Sumasakit na nga tenga ko sa kakapakinig sa lahat ng litanya mo kahit na paulit ulit na lang ganyan. Wala ka bang tiwala man lang? Nasaan na ba ang dating “ikaw” na walang takot hinaharap ang mga bagay bagay, ung dating “ikaw” na di basta basta sumusuko kahit lubog na lubog na, ung dating “ikaw” na malakas ang loob at may tiwala sa akin, ung dating “ikaw” na hindi ng aalala sa mangyayari bukas, ung dating “ikaw” na wagas ang ngiti kahit may pinoproblema, ung dating “ikaw” na kung makapagsabi ng OO/YES ay papanindigan kahit gaano kahirap, ung dating “ikaw” na may disiplina at hindi pabaya tsaka ung dating “ikaw” na kilalang kilala ko mula noon. Anyare at bigla kang nagbago at lumayo???

AKO: .......................................................... Alam ko..

SIYA: Anyare?

AKO: Nagpadala kasi ako sa kahinaan ko, sa pagiging makasarili ko, sa kalungkutan ko, sa pangungulila ko, sa kakaibang emosyon ko, sa sari saring iniisip ko at sa kung ano pang nararamdaman ng puso ko. Akala ko tama ung ginagawa ko pero nakakalimutan ko na at sa mga yun dun nagsimula ang unti unti kong paglayo. Hinanap ko ang mga bagay na mgpapacompleto sa akin and magbibigay saya sa akin. Kaya nakalimot ako at dun nawala na ang lahat. Kaya eto ako ngayon, hirap na hirap bumangon ulit. Ung mahinang ako na nauubusan na ng lakas ng loob at laging takot. Ung ako na d ko inaasahan na bibigat at lalapad ng ganito. Ung ako na mahina, mapagduda, makasarili at ngpadala sa temptasyon. Nagsisisi ako at ngayon gusto ko ng itama ang mga mali ko. Gusto ko ng bumalik sa dati kaso ang hiraaaaaaaaaaap pala.

SIYA: Magiging maayos rin ang lahat Anak. Tandaan mo na ang mga nangyayaring ito ay may rason. Kapit ka lang. Pagdaanan mo lang kasi ito ang magtuturo sayo ng tama kesa sa mali. Matututo ka Anak. Wag kang matakot. Tumayo kang muli. Mag-umpisa ka sa sarili mo, sa dasal, sa tiwala at isipin na makakayanan mo rin ito. Kasama mo ko at d magtatagal ay magtatagumpay ka din.

AKO: Panginoon, turuan mo akong maniwala sa di kapanipaniwalang bagay. Alam kong walang imposible sa iyo at alam kong malalampasan ko rin ito. Itinataas ko na ang lahat sa inyo. Oh Diyos, kayo na po ang bahala sa akin. Kailangan kita at maraming salamat sa lahat. In Jesus' name, Amen.

SIYA: AMEN!

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God speaks in different ways. Are we listening when he speaks?

Or are we busy talking the whole time in prayer?

Reflect and listen well.

Are you?

 

When God permits trial, He provides comfort.

I am a bit dramatic every time I feel pain or if I'm sick. I dunno why? But every time I feel it there's something in me that longs for a presence of somebody that will comfort, care, be concerned and make me feel secured and better. It has been my behavior ever since when I was little. It could be that I long for attention. It could be that I want to feel that I belong. I guess maybe it is because I also long to be taken cared of asides from me taking care of somebody. I long to be worth the affection and concern. I long to be loved and the feeling of being secured and it is something that I want to feel and experience during this time.

Earlier at school I was feeling a bit tired, stressed and a bit hot. My head was aching like crazy and I can't explain why. I even felt dizzy and that my only remedy was to eat and drink more fluids. I admit I ate too much sweets and it could be the reason why I'm feeling sick. My tonsils are very sensitive to sweet and cold beverages. I guess it was one that triggered it and I'm feeling weak. As I check my temperature it was 37.4 C and then the latest before we went home was 38 C. I was having chills and feeling a bit weak.

I walked home very slowly and the wind was blowing strong and cold against me. I felt so weak and a bit dizzy. I was worried if I can make it home safe and sound. I didn't want to lose my consciousness at the street. As I was walking I was also praying that may God heal me with His embrace. I surrender all to Him and I cried my heart out to Him. I felt so weak and useless. I couldn't take care of myself and I long for the presence of my family and friends back home. I felt sad yet I had to be strong because it's the only thing that I need to do. I struggled and slowly did things that could aid my illness. I managed to eat shawarma because it's my favorite and I couldn't cook anymore. I was so tired and I really want to lie down and sleep.

God is good because He provided me food to eat. I ate it joyfully until I was so full. I am so thankful because somebody does care for me and I usually fail to recognize it.. I felt great and I drank my medicine. I am a type of person that doesn't drink any medication as long as I can handle it. But if it gets worst then I have no choice but to drink it to get better. I drank lemon juice and more water. I even asked my friends to pray for my healing. And I am planning to still go to work tomorrow since I don't want to miss out and be absent.

As much as my body wants to rest and sleep, my mind and passion is wide awake and will only rest if I finish my duties especially with my mission as a Blogger. I continued even if I was flaming hot and was having chills. Truly, when your heart desires and is burning with passion for the mission, All things are possible and worth the struggle. God was my comforter and He never fails to sustain me of my needs. God is so amazing!!

"I don't stop when I am tired. I stop when I'm done."

This phrase motivated me to continue my mission despite being sick. I also thank God for the endurance that He gave me. I love the Lord and I will never stop until I'm done.

 

God bless us!

I am healed. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Princess Sarah Kailyn