The best ME for God

DM 2017 July 8

Sarah Lim – Batch 43

Gospel: Matthew 9:14-17
Jesus Questioned About Fasting
14 Then John’s disciples came and asked him, “How is it that we and the Pharisees fast often, but your disciples do not fast?”
15 Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.
16 “No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse.17 Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

 

Reflection:
Last 2013, my previous work surprised me with a 6 months labor ban even if I finished my 2 years contract. During that time, I cried hard to my family about my situation. I had hopes to find a new job but in every interview I attend to, I always get rejected because of that ban. Still, I tried to be optimistic and continued to serve Him. Oftentimes I would ask him why did this happen and it made me struggle more just to hold on.

At that darkest time last January 2014, I met a guy at the Church while serving at the festival. He was nice and we instantly clicked. Everything went fast and I realized I started to like him and we dated. He gave me strength and I became dependent on him. He supported me, he pushed me to believe and he motivated me to find a job despite the ban. For some reasons I became overly dependent on him and I started acting childish maybe because I needed attention.
There were situations that created conflicts and that may have been the reason why he stopped. Again, I was struck with another more painful rejection. I admit I had expectations so I became depressed and I was unable to accept what happened. I had a lot of questions that I wanted to ask. There’s a big WHY? in my head and somehow I kept blaming myself. I lost hope and I was ready to give up and go home but there was one voice telling me to keep going. I convinced myself and I tried hard to pull up a strong front but I know deep inside me, I was very sad and hurting.

I never thought I would overcome that darkest time and indeed God hears our prayer. At the last minute before my visa expired, I was hired in a free zone company and my ban was lifted. Everything went well since I was able to cope up and adjust with my new work. God has given back what he has taken away with something better. I felt relieved but in my heart there’s still pain and in my head there were questions left unanswered. I was fired up to keep going and that experience changed me completely. It taught me how to be strong, to be independent and not to trust easily. It also allowed me to build walls to protect myself because I do not want to go through that pain again. 

Our God knows everything and he knew I needed help and so he sent someone to show me and reveal to me that he has greater plans for me. And so I met George. At first he reminded me of that guy but as I got to know him, he was totally different. He was patient, understanding, loving, sweet, caring, and he respected me. We became a couple though there were some struggles since we had a lot of differences. It was a challenge for us to meet halfway to make ends meet. There were times we fight and we don’t talk to each other but then we learned from our mistakes. Sometimes we argue at the smallest and senseless things but it is by the grace of God why we keep holding on to our relationship. Yes, it is not just by our love for each other but by the grace of God why we’re going strong and why we’re still together. And by next year, we’re getting married! 

Back then meeting George was God’s way of redirecting me and through him I was able to be happy and I am claiming to be healed of my past hurts. I am still in the process and I have realized that I am no longer the old me but perhaps I am the better me and will be striving to be the best me for God.

Indeed the Lord loves me despite and in spite of what I have done and what I will become and the Lord continues to remind me of the verse from 2 Corinthians 5:17 saying “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Love is the Answer

 

Date: June 2, 2016
Gospel: Mark 12:28-34 New International Version (NIV)

The Greatest Commandment

28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
32 “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. 33 To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
34 When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

Reflection:

Jesus clearly said in the Gospel: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

If Jesus would tell me those words, I would have asked him: “Lord how do I love like you did? How easy can loving others be? How can I express that love? Please help me to understand the kind of love that you are teaching and in return to do it because I don’t know.”

I have a hard time understanding what love is and its definition depends on each person’s experience and story. Love for me is complicated and I guess it’s my weakness and it’s also what I lack within me (I think so). Growing up, I had longed to feel and experience the kind of love that makes you feel warm, joyful, contented and the kind of love that people fight for. I had been finding that love and I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to understand that love is simple, that love can be described as a sacrifice and being selfless like what Jesus did for all of us on the cross.

We are 7 in the family and our parents were ex OFWs. They had provided a great life for all my siblings. They gave what they think was deserved by us and we are blessed for all the sacrifices that they did. They gave us the best even if it cost them more time working and being away from us. In the absence of our parents, we grew up with other people taking care of us. We know that they love us because they are working hard to send us to great schools for us to have a better future. I guess my parents showed that love in a different way that I did not understand it before.

2 years ago, our parents have retired and our eldest sister has a family of her own. I, being the 2^nd eldest child, felt that it is my responsibility to provide for the needs of my parents and my sibling. I know that it’s my turn to sacrifice since I believe that sharing my resources is one way where I can extend my love to them despite the distance. There are times that the efforts I put cannot be appreciated and somehow that makes me feel sad. There are moments that make me feel burdened that I just want to give up trying. Sometimes there are unexpected situations that I need to sacrifice my own desires so I can provide more for their urgent needs. A lot of times I find myself complaining, worrying about my future and helplessly crying if I cannot take it in anymore. It is very hard but by the grace of God, He makes it possible. I guess during those trying times, God is testing as to how I can give more to my family. He is checking my heart if I can love and think of my family more than my own self.

Following the command of God is easy but loving others can be so hard. Why is it so hard? I realized that love can never be forced, never be explained completely through words, but expressed through actions and can only be felt from our heart. Some people say that if it doesn’t hurt then it’s not real love. At first love can hurt, but in the end it can be tolerable and somehow it will be meaningful because you freely gave and sacrificed it. I realized that God is measuring my capacity to love through my family and He wants me to continue giving and be selfless in serving my own family.

I have been serving the community for 11 years now and I believe God wants me to also serve my family. I am thankful that God made me realized how important it is to love and accept my family. I admit that I had neglected them when I joined the YFC community because I thought and felt unloved before. Through my services in SFC and KFC, God made me appreciate and value their presence more. Despite the unexplained wounds, God removed the pains and hurts that I had buried beneath my heart. He has healed and made me realize that it is time to let go, time to forgive and be forgiven, time to heal and time to express my way of love to the people closest to me. He has replaced the burdens in my heart with inner peace and joy that there’s no more room for pain, fear and negativity. I am still a work in progress and I pray that may God give me the mercy and grace to continue what he was entrusted me and that may I never get tired of trying.

Everyone is created uniquely and we are blessed by love in different ways. We are indebted to love as God has loved us despite our faults, failures and past. In all our worries and problems, God is the answer because God is love. Believe that he hears our prayers and assures us that difficulties are there for a reason and he will reveal His great plan in his perfect time. May we continue to love others more even if it hurts and obey him in all circumstances while we rejoice, pray and give Him thanks.

And for that, may God be praised!

 

 

In whatever questions and situations that we will encounter,

let's remember that love is always the answer.

For our God is love and love is God,

therefore we can never go wrong for Love conquers all.

 

 

Work in Progress

All of us are a work in progress.. 
Messy, broken, unorganized, out of focus, lost and imperfect..

We are a craft in the making..
A butterfly (err caterpillar) in a cocoon..
A baby starting to walk..
A chick in an egg shell..
A beauty in our unique ways for God has design us perfectly. 

God is our maker, our designer and our potter.
We have to believe that He created us amazingly as we are.
We have to accept what He has blessed us with..
We have a time to bloom in our own ways...
We can embrace change to improve ourselves..

Sometimes we just have to patiently wait for the right timing for he will reveal it to us unexpectedly. 
Remember that you are God's masterpiece and His plans are yet to unfold in your life. 
Just wait, be patient and have faith..

The work is still in progress.... and God is in control..
Keep calm.. Hold on and be patient..


Lalalala Hugoooot! Hahaha 
-my *edited* post during our exhibition (last ADIPEC, Nov 8-12)

Make it Right

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
(Matthew 5:23-24)

My Child,

I want you to keep short accounts. That means I don’t want you to be mad at anyone for long. I understand people get on your nerves—brothers, sisters, friends and enemies. But I want you to be at peace with those around you. If you feed the homeless, you’re nice to the kids called nerds, and you wear an “I love Jesus” shirt, but you hate your big brother because he made fun of you, how are you worshiping Me?

You show your love for Me by loving and forgiving the people around you. If you have to choose between writing Me a love song or apologizing to someone, I want you to apologize first. Then the love song you write will flow from a heart of love. I care about your relationships, and I want them to be right.

Your friend,

>God

(from the book - Emails from God by Cloninger)

Heavenly Peace: Me & Jesus

Last April 11, 2015, I had the most uplifting, empowering and spirit filled experience with Jesus. If I were to describe it then it has to be an encounter full of peace, serenity, overwhelming yet being still before God.

I was able to sleep well the night before and upon waking up, I felt great and recharged. I had plans to do and was able to achieve them all with God’s grace. Yipey! I cooked my meal, squeezed the juice from a kilo of lemons and was able to prepare a healthy pancake for snack which I just experimented hahaha (fyi: the ingredients were banana, black sesame powder, flaxseed oil, peanut butter mixed with chocolate, oatmeal, eggs, flour, cooking oil and milk…whew that’s a lot) I assure you it’s healthy and yummy at the same time hohoho!

I prepared myself for the Holy Mass and confession since our Baptism was on that day itself. I need to prep myself for the spiritual battle since this is one of the highlighted events in the CLP. Praise God so far I didn't experience any major harassment that day or even the days/weeks before. I guess it was all minor struggles knowing that God is always with me and that I’m not alone for I have my loved ones and friends with me. Everything feels like smooth sailing and I always feel being embraced by God and how great and wonderful it is to experience that kind of love being expressed to you.

The homily was about faith amidst doubt, worry and fears. It was also the time when Jesus breathe on them the Holy Spirit. It also spoke about doubting Thomas, him not believing until he saw and touch the wounds of Jesus. He was a man of faith upon experiencing and seeing Jesus for he uttered words with conviction “My Lord and my God”. He was a changed man and Jesus in turn said in reply, “blessed are you who have not seen but believed..”  

Hmmm God is indeed a great God. Everything happened for a reason. I learned as I held on to my faith and prayed more than before. Slowly and surely, He is fulfilling His great plans in me. Oh Lord may you change the worst of me to become the best of what I can be! Mold me, use me and lead me. Thank you for making me feel and experience a piece of heaven, an assurance of your promises and a fulfillment of your plans. Have your way in me! :) 

From the beast to the best!

At this moment, I can confidently say that my prayer and relationship to God is stronger than before but still despite that fact, there are times that I doubt his grace for me. There are moments that I still submit to temptation easily. I give up when I felt it’s not worth it. I refuse to listen because of my stubbornness. I worry and get stressed a lot and my selfishness brings out the worst in me.

He can transform the beast of me to the best of me.

Regardless of whatever things I do, God reminds me that He loves me and that I also need express that love to others more. God is love and with that everlasting and unconditional love, I am constantly improving if not for the good but for the better version of me that God wants that I will be. He wants me to experience the true power of genuine love because through that love and with His amazing grace, He can transform the beast of me to the best of me.

 

I am a work in progress. I may not be the best but for sure in His perfect time I can be the best in God's eyes. Have mercy and pity on me and forgive my sins. Lead me Lord. Mold me and use me greatly for your purpose. Transform my weakness to become your strength and change my heart to be like yours. With your grace, with your power and with your love, I am made new and will be renewed. May your will be done always and forever.

His Promises claimed!

1 YEAR AGO TUE February 11, 2014 9:27am

Child, I never promised that it would be easy but it's going to be worth it. Hold on to me. I am here. I have a great plan for you, a future full of hope. Keep going and keep fighting. Be strong, firm and still for I am with you. Everything will be alright. Trust me with all that you've got. Give me your pains, struggles, aches and worries for I will give heal you, mold you and give you rest. Don't give up for you have come this far.

This is a test of faith and I know you'll make it through. I believe in you and I hope you believe yourself. Stand strong child and when you fall just think and stand again. Don't keep your emotions in but share it with me. I want you to be free from negative emotions for I want you to feel the genuine love, mercy and care that I feel for you. 

When all things fall to their places, when it's the right time, when things will be settled and when you are better and stronger then that's the time that I will reveal all my plans and dreams for you. I love you with an everlasting love for you have been wonderfully made in my image.

You are my princess and I am your King. I am the God of all things and I am in control. Endure more and never stop hoping. Be faithful and prayerful. Build yourself and learn to forgive. Accept that nothing just happens. I love you and I will never leave you.

~Love,
Your Father and King

Prayer:

In you, I trust. I surrender. I lift it up. I won't give up. I will endure. I will make it through this rain. I will be strong. I will be better. I will find what I have ASKed. I will for you are God and I am not. You are larger than things. Your ways are higher and better than mine. May your will be done. Have your way in me..
#assurance #loved #promise <3 :) :3

EFG: Patience while waiting

(I got this message way back 2010 in a book titled Emails from God by Cloninger)

Not Yet (Psalm 13:2-3)

Dear Child,

Time is a strange thing. To Me, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day. I’m outside of time. Time is just something I made in which you live. I entered time when I sent Jesus to earth. So I know how frustrating time can be.

But I also know what’s best for you. The only way you can learn patience is by waiting. Some people pray, “Lord, teach me patience,and teach it to me now!” That doesn’t make much sense. Learning patience takes time. I hear your prayers. Keep praying. I may give you an answer quickly but if I’m teaching you to trust Me no matter what, I may ask you to wait. If you can learn to trust ME, if you can learn to wait on My timing, I will use you to do great things. Will you trust Me?

Your Leader,
>God

Worry not, Trust God!

Daily Manna: OCTOBER 7, 2014 - TUESDAY

Gospel for the day: Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Reflection:

Oftentimes when we struggle too much our prayer would go like this, “Lord don’t you care? Help me.” Of course the Lord knows everything about us which includes our thoughts, actions, joys, pains, feelings, sickness, prayers, struggles, problems, heart desires and all emotions within us. The big question: Does He care? The answer is a big yes! Such situations like that are made to happen because of a purpose and a reason behind that will soon be revealed to us. Life won’t be exciting as it is if there’s only joy without pain or suffering. God designed our life the way He wanted us to live by fulfilling the purpose and plan He has planted in us. Our job now is to find and discover that purpose and allow God’s will to be done.

The gospel today teaches us that worrying and being upset is not good enough. Sometimes we have to lean unto God when all our efforts have been done and let Him be in control. A year ago, I confidently left my job because I was not happy anymore. God allowed me to be accepted in a job that’s thrice the salary offered than the previous job. I immediately grab the opportunity but because of conflicts I had to let go of that job. I thought that maybe it wasn’t for me and so I tried to face the loss yet hurt and burdened. I remained still and confident knowing God will provide the job that I have been praying for. Deep within there’s a voice telling me to leave, go on, be brave and take the risks.  

I left claiming God’s assurance that He will grant me the desires of my heart. After leaving my job then a problem came and I had a 6 months labor ban. Upon hearing that after Christmas, my confidence began to sink and I found myself crying, hopeless, worried and afraid. I was so depressed and even thought it was the end of me. There I was experiencing a deep, dark and very emotional moment. For the first time in my life I felt being abandoned, lost and alone. Being away made me feel so weak and powerless but good thing my family, friends and the community was there to build me up. Slowly, I began to be back on track. I held on to my faith and restored my prayer time with God.   

Struggle after struggle, we learn and become stronger. I never thought of the consequences that I had to face by being jobless for 4 months. I was worried and frustrated but God was there to erase all those things in my head. I continuously allowed His will to be done in my life like the song “Lord please have your way in me”. He never failed to provide me with the resources I need. He continued to assure me that He is God and He is in control of everything. God’s time is never too late and He fulfilled His promise and my faith was strengthened. Through the grace of God I found a job and all the blessings started to pour. 

Everything was a preparation for me and here I am testifying how great and wonderful He is. He took away the unnecessary things because He was preparing me for greater things that He thinks I deserve. I feel so loved and blessed beyond measure because I am God’s favorite and His beloved! 

All I can say is thank you Lord and Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone)!

#iamBBM #DeoGloria

Quiz: I am Job!

What Bible Character Are You?

You got: Job

Bad things happen to good people. You know that better than anyone. Sometimes life seems like a series of struggles so focused on you that you start to wonder if someone upstairs has it in for you. It is true that God gives us as much as we can take, and it sometimes feels like you are a beast of burden. As with Job, with you, it will all make sense at the end. Keep the faith! (From: http://quizsocial.com/what-bible-character-are-you/ )

        For what I have learned when I was young, Job was a righteous man. He was blessed greatly by God because of his faithfulness. Then satan tempted God to check the faithfulness of Job. At first he gave him suffering and then he took away his riches, then his family and gave him sickness. In the end, Job remained faithful and never blamed God. In return for his faithfulness amidst trials, God rewarded him beyond what he lost.

Job: Faith under trial!

        I can’t imagine being in the shoes of Job. He had everything and then slowly it was taken away from him. It is hard to be faithful during trial and suffering. In my case I would have felt hopeless and will choose to die than endure the pain and keep living. The one thing I admire for Job was the unbreakable faith he had for God. Despite the pain and sorrows he held on to God saying he was unworthy. He never blamed God and he allowed satan to test his faith and he conquered.

        Whenever I struggle, I can’t help but complain, be worried or afraid, doubt and somehow my faith is shaken. Trials are tests that I have to pass and overcome. At times, I always fail, I feel unworthy and hopeless yet God assures me to continue being faithful just as how faithful He is. His comforting embrace is always there to ease my pain and comfort me as I struggle. In this journey the storms come and go to make us learn by shaking us that makes our faith become stronger. Without these we can never know who we are, what our purpose is, how we will do and why it happened. Once the trial is over and when God sees our faithfulness, He will bless us like how He did with Job. Faithful and generous is He and truly He’ll shower us the blessings beyond measure.

What is the posture of our heart during struggles?

Keep the faith. God is in control. He is with us always. 

Movie: Bride for Rent

Just finished watching Bride for Rent. The lesson learned from the movie is how love impacts a person to change in a great way and the importance of forgiveness. We are not perfect and we have a lot of flaws yet it takes real love to embrace those circumstances completely.

Love is a wonderful gift worth sharing and it matters more when you give instead of waiting to receive. Thank you for inspiring me to love patiently and to continue loving even if doesn't make sense or that it hurts. I am reminded by God to love and be loved for He has loved me first. He has assured me that I am God's beloved. I know in time the scars will heal and things will fall into their right places.

True love is worth the wait. Lord may your will be done. I know you have a great plan for me. Thank you Lord for a wonderful end to a stressful day. Finally I'm learning to understand what was clouding up my mind a few days back. Continue to reveal your knowledge and wisdom. As I let go of my worries I felt that my heart is burden free! Yay! Praise God! Peace of mind at last! Good night beloved!   #peace #hope #love #forgiveness #healing #blessed #wait #selfless #patient #tlw #ponder

(Posted via FB last January 2014)

Losing to gain a stronger faith

Session 1: Journey of a lifetime (Reflecting the passion of Jesus)
Sharer 3: (Jesus is stripped off His garments)

 

SFC National Conference held in St. Mary's Church RAK, UAE
May 16, 2014

Saying YES to the Lord is a lifelong journey with the Almighty.

I am Sarah Lauren Lim, an SFC from Dubai and a beloved daughter of God. I first said YES to the Lord during my Youth camp last 2005 in Capiz and after that my life was never the same again. My journey with God in the UAE started last August 2011 when I was asked by Papa if I wanted to go to Dubai because He said there's YFC there, I then replied "Yes I will go for mission there." I arrived in Dubai last October 8, 2011 and believe it or not the document I had with me was a birth certificate. I was blessed to be taken care of by Tita Bel and Tito Danny Abutas. Everything was provided to me - visa, CV, college authenticated documents and I found a job and was grateful since my documents arrived nearly before my visa expired. I joined SFC last 2012 after receiving my residence visa. I worked in the nursery as an assistant teacher/nurse and was taking care of kids. I loved my job but the people I was surrounded with had problems of their own and it was a struggle for me to get along with them.  

2013 came and a few months before the end of contract, I started applying online. We had a CLP last September and I was called to become a facilitator. I was blessed to handle 4 angels namely, Annie, Collete, Cristina and Maikie. I am also blessed to attend the MEC and learned that I am God’s beloved. November came and I had an interview at Ate Jhang's company who was offering thrice the salary, with an accessible place in Warba, good benefits and 2 days off. She coached me before interview and I passed. A week later I had an offer letter. Before signing, I was asked and then they told me that they will put it on hold until I get my high school documents ready since they can't issue a visa because I need to join them after 2 weeks. In my mind I was thinking how can it be possible? My province was badly hit by Yolanda. I cried as I went home and I couldn’t hide it because I felt being stripped off what I thought was for me. I spoke to my parents and siblings. I simply prayed "Lord please have your way in me."

 It was baptism week of the CLP and the denial was the reason I was struggling with. I know I have to overcome this. During the service team prayer, I shared the experience and I said "I may have lost the opportunity but I gained a stronger faith." I had to let go because God has something better in store for me. I believe God is in control. He wants me to be still knowing He is God and that I have to trust Him. "Lord may your will be done."

  The CLP was a success. My angels have graduated and are now SFC members. I send a non-renewal letter. We agreed to have my visa cancelled early January. I kept applying online and had several interviews. After Christmas, December 26^th I received a phone call from our PRO. I was threatened that if I don't sign the cancellation then it will be my problem. I was shattered because it stated that I have a 6 months labor ban and that I have received the money from them. He said that it's a usual procedure. I signed and I felt something was wrong yet I tried to smile. When I went home, I cried in secret and it was very painful since I didn’t want them to know. I felt being stripped off my freedom by being forced to sign. And so because of my obedience and fear, I signed and allowed them to hurt me. Still thank you Lord for allowing my family and friends to comfort me and for understanding my situation.

 The greater the struggle but far bigger is the victory that waits. I was heartbroken yet I tried to accept wholeheartedly that in God there’s justice and I trust His plan for me. I nearly finished my contract but they cancelled me 1 month earlier and that’s the reason why I have a 6 month labor ban. Everybody wondered why and advised me to report the incident because it’s not fair. Despite what happened, I was happy to have a skype new year with my family and we were complete virtually. I celebrated my 25^th birthday and was blessed to witness the miracle garden. I was ready for whatever God has prepared for me whether it’s a new work here or considering going home since I want my family to be complete. I wanted to see Mama whom I haven’t seen for 9 years since she worked in US and she went home last year for good. I prayed and asked for God’s guidance. During weekdays I would apply for work and attend interviews but on weekends it was time for service. I continued to serve God and I would still be positive whenever I encounter such negative experiences.

 January 2014 was full of hope, affirmation and unexpected surprises. My high school documents arrived late but the opportunity is no longer there. The job application became difficult for me since I was rejected every time because of the ban. The job offer is often lower than the previous job. I received my back pay and finally I had my passport with me. I exited in Kish Island, stayed there for 5 days then I got 2 months tourist visa. I’ve got nearly empty NOL card load, housing rent to pay and then realized I wasn’t financially prepared as I was running out of resources but God in His generosity provided all of those. I would attend the teachings, regular upper/lower household and also a CLP of a different chapter so I can de-stress myself since I am pressured and worried about my status.

 God places his burden to those who can carry its weight. February was the most difficult month for me because for the first time I was deeply hurt more than the pain that I felt when I heard about my ban. It was during the Parish Festival, when I met him who became my inspiration and I thought He was the one that I was waiting for. I was motivated but then he just left. OUCH! I was heartbroken again and I found myself no longer interested to find a job. I found myself giving up and wanting to go home. There I was trying to stand up, trying to push myself and telling myself to keep going. I felt weak, alone and hopeless. I would encounter sending mails and receiving no reply from them. It was depressing yet I held on to God’s promise. I was also fooled in a skype interview wherein I applied for the post of a private nurse but they posted it in findyourmaids.com without me knowing. I was embarrassed. I received calls from different nationalities and I considered working as a nanny but God said through the song “Jesus I believe in you and I would go to the ends of the earth..” That song pierced me and it was a reminder to never give up on God and He has better plans ahead.

 All the unwanted feelings were kept within. I was misunderstood by those who didn’t know what I was going through because I kept quiet. Still I managed to smile, remained strong, hopeful and determined that God will bless my hearts desires in time and by His grace my attitude towards the situation started to change. I have felt being emptied little by little and things became clear to me. I had experienced rejection, being abandoned, hopeless, lost, worried for my future and heard negative feedbacks against me. I held on to God. My prayer time became my strength and He was my comforter. He allowed me to go through it all to realize what I desire. He stripped off the unnecessary things for Him to give what I deserved. God is good for He has provided and has blessed me abundantly. Never was I hungry, homeless or ran out of load for blessings just continued to pour unexpectedly.

 God never ends in defeat. March became a new hope for me as I was surrendering it all to God. When I thought it was the end, God assured me it was only a bend. Two weeks before my visa expires, I had an interview at JLT then a week later started a 1 day training. I passed my papers the next day and signed the offer letter. I couldn't believe what I was experiencing since this is the moment that I have been waiting for. After all that I have been through, here is what God has prepared for me all this time - freezone visa, better pay, Christian boss who's very kind, only girl in the office doing admin work, peaceful environment, accessible workplace via metro, good timing and 2 days off. Truly God's delays are not denials. All the bad experiences I had was nothing compared to the glory He has revealed to me now. I finally understood why. Praise God!

 April was a great month for me. I exited at Kish as employment visa then started working. The medical and visa is being processed. Things are falling into their right places and my prayers have been answered beyond expectation. I realized God's purpose on why He has allowed me to go through those things. He wanted me to let go, to accept, to wait, to be patient, to understand, to love, to hope, to forgive, to trust Him even if it didn't make sense, to be good even if they are not and He needed my faith to be stronger. God has molded me to become a better and kinder person that I can still be nice to the people who have hurt me. I have become a witness of how He has transformed me during those trying moments. He truly is a great and awesome God!

 As I reflected with Jesus' passion and how he was stripped off His garments, I realized that God slowly stripped me not with my garments but of things, persons and circumstances. He wants me to detach myself from those things that hinder me from following Him. God wants me to be empty so He can fill me, to be stripped off for me to gain and to experience pain for me to be strong. God never deprived me because when I thought I have lost a lot, it is where He was generous enough to pour down His blessings. Indeed I am blessed beyond measure #iamBBM. Thank you Lord.

 May became an awesome and fulfilling month. I got my first pay, labor card, residence visa, emirates ID and even a medical insurance. And now that I am staying here, God is calling me to serve Him. He wants me to go out for mission. He keeps whispering "You have a mission to fulfill." Praise God I was able to experience my first mission in Dibba, then in KFC and I am looking forward for more. Looking back to what my father has asked me, I say "Yes Lord, I have a mission to fulfill and I will never forget the reason why I'm here." So that explains why I only had my birth certificate. In my mind, it was mission that I desired and not work but then God is gracious to bless me both. Thank you Lord for your amazing grace and wonderful journey. I am blessed to grow up in YFC and now proud to be in SFC. Lord you have made things beautiful in time and you are the best thing that has happened to me. I know and I believe that this year you will unite my family who has been incomplete for 9 years. Greater things are yet to come. Bless my talents that I may glorify you that will inspire and evangelize others. I am ready to go. Send me Lord for I don't know where but lead me there. Lord may your will be done and in your name, I hope, I trust and I claim, Amen.

And for that brothers and sisters, Deo Gloria! May God be praised!